She's the one

Tom Cruise has been replaced by Angelina Jolie. Not in child bride Katie Holmes' life, but in a new film called Edwin A Salt. The film is a spy thriller – car chases, dim-lit alleys, corrupt cops, grim secret service agents hopping on and off choppers, blazing guns, blood and gore, bombs and babes… you get the general drift? The movie tells the tale of a CIA agent on the run. According to reliable sources (if sources were delusional, would you quote them? Even if they were, would you confess they were unreliable representatives of the human race? Ah, cliche! Ah, mystery!) the script, once written with Cruise in mind, is being given a few minor tweaks for Jolie's sake. The gist of the story so far: a CIA agent, suspected to be a Russian informer, runs like a woman possessed till the truth is exposed. Innocence is finally proven as the sound track explodes in an orchestral flourish.

If you are wondering whether there is a famine in Hollywood when it comes to original story ideas, you are absolutely right. The spy on the run framed by a few rotten apples. You've seen it once. You've seen it twice, thrice, may be about a zillion times. You've watched it with special effects enhanced splendour in Mission Impossible. But you can see it again. No harm done, say Hollywood studios executives. And so Edwin A Salt will be coming soon, to a theatre near you. The only reprieve filmgoers can look forward to is the casting change. Instead of Tom with too much Scientology on his mind, we will get to watch Jolie kicking some serious ass. Leading men in Hollywood are quaking in their calf-leather boots wondering if the world, as they know it, is coming to an end. But filmgoers all over the world (especially men) are singing hallelujah. Jolie beats Crusie anyday when it comes to action, they say for obvious reasons!

Edwin A Salt should be a whole lot of fun to watch now that sour-faced Tom is out of the plot. Jolie, judging by her track record has more fun kicking ass on screen than any other Hollywood star – woman, man or animated robot. Cruise, on the other hand, barely moves a facial muscle and exudes as much excitement as a mummified Egyptian pharoah when he is jumping off a forty-three storey skyscraper or decimating an army of invading aliens. Nothing, except his obsession with Scientology seems to bring him back to life these days.

Let's drop the Jolie versus Cruise debate till good old Edwin pops up on the screen with a clap of special effects generated thunder. Till then, we shall hold our peace and think about the ripples this casting move will generate on Indian shores. As any Indian who has not been living in a cave far far away knows, what Hollywood does, Bollywood does too. Sometimes for better, sometimes for much worse. I've lost count of the number of Hindi remakes of Richard Gere- Diane Lane starrer Unfaithful. One of them was called Murder and belonged to Mallika Sherawat. The rest had different names and pretty much the same storyline. The list of Hindi films 'inspired' by Hollywood flicks is long, dreary and forgettable. But the point is, every move Hollywood makes, every million dollar breath it takes, Mumbai is watching.

So, will Bollywood directors and producers be 'inspired' to make similar casting changes? Can we expect a sequel to current blockbuster Singh is King with Lara Dutta in place of macho man Akshay Kumar? Will it be called Kaur is Queen or not? Or let's imagine Bachna Ae Haseeno in a new avtar. Instead of casanova Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone breezes through men in rapid fire sequence. While breaking hearts with the skill of an Olympic shooter, she also mouths inane dialogue about why men and women can never be friends because men are meant to be shikaar, not yaar, etc. In the film's second half, a sweet but sensible boy from a village tucked away among mustard fields in a corner of Punjab where family values still rule, steals her heart. He goes on to teach her the meaning of true love and commitment. Soon, the reformed heroine and virtuous hero end up in happily-ever-after land which looks like a cross between Upper Manhattan and mustard field territory. Ours not to reason why!

In the same spirit, Sholay, Indian cinema's enduring icon of male bonding may get a makeover. Possible scenario: Jai and Veeru to be replaced by Jaya and Veenu. The two female leads drive around town in their Porsche (because they can!) in hot pursuit of a biker gang which terrorizes upright citizens. They burst into songs which celebrate the bond that holds them together. They flip a coin to decide who will take the first shot at the annoying bikers as they zip past like the devil on wheels. And yes, there is also a gang leader called G Kaur who gets to mutter menacingly whenever the camera zooms in on her face. Casting directors, take note. Sushmita Sen can make a spine chilling G. Give the woman something meaty to do, for once. Stop wasting her in itsy bitsy item numbers.

Dhoom (1, 2…), Don (old, new), Sarkar, Lakshya, Border, Soldier, Ghayal, Hero, Qurbani, Trishul, Deewar, Jewel Thief…a few of the many films that may get a new life. Warring brothers replaced by warring sisters. Women proving their worth by sweating it out in the army, telling their version of the tale. Jewel heists, cop and robber games, love triangles. Women playing the lead in the drama and mayhem, instead of simpering side kicks. As stories are rewritten, will female actors take home pay checks that match the hefty sums their male counter parts earn? Are the winds of change headed for Bollywood or will they bypass its borders? Wait and watch…