R.I.P

(After eight years of unprecedented foreign policy disasters and serious manhandling of the English language, it is time for George W Bush to vanish from the world’s radar. This letter goes out to him; a frank farewell note, a huge sigh of relief, a final goodbye…call it what you will. But do not, in the words of the man himself, ‘misunderestimate’ this note.)

Dear Mr Bush: I use the word dear as a figure of speech, not as a term of endearment. In India, we are very fond of figures of speech. I’m sure you remember our prime minister’s recent visit to your country to sign the civilian nuclear deal and dance the bhangra afterwards. (Just to jog your memory: he wears a turban and looks apologetic at all times. His name happens to be Dr Manmohan Singh. I hope you are not confusing him with the other leader from the subcontinent who visited America around the same time and pawed Sarah Palin in public. He is Pakistani. Not Indian. India and Pakistan are two different countries. Have been that way since 1947, actually). So when our euphoric prime minister declared that Indians love you, he was just putting on display our fondness for figures of speech. Let me not drown my message in subtlety, coz I know that’s not your thing.
What I’m tryin’ to say is, not all Indians feel that way about you. No sir. Actually, a whole lot of Americans don’t either. Civilians who have managed to stay alive in Afghanistan and Iraq also swear that they are not in love with you. Why? We must go back in time to answer that logical question. On September 20, 2001, during an address to a joint session of congress and the American people, you formally declared war. On terror. You said, "Our war on terror begins with Al Qaeda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated.”
You forgot to tell the people who were listening to you that under cover of this war, your government would launch military offensives that would annihilate innocent people in all corners of the globe. In the name of this righteous war, terror suspects would be jailed and tortured, detained indefinitely without explanation. After the twin towers fell, you took up a lot of air time to emphasise that America was the heart of the free world. You wouldn’t stop calling it the repository of all civilised values. A country that boasted of a way of life that promised freedom, equality and opportunity to all. After these rousing speeches were done, after the television cameras stopped blinking, you gave orders to carpet bomb entire civilisations. Eight years of your rule have made people all over the world hate America in the most visceral of ways. I pity the man who will have to clean up the mess you made.
You gave democracy a really bad name. Even though UN weapons inspectors did not find the mythical weapons of mass destruction that your government claimed Saddam was hiding, you drummed up a ‘coalition of the willing’ to march into Iraq. United under this theatrical banner, brute force delivered democracy to Iraq. Saddam’s regime was toppled in 2003, but the fires still rage in Iraq. Many members of your coalition withdrew after they realised the enormity of their mistake. But you, Mr President, parachuted from the sky into the midst of your tired soldiers and declared victory at inopportune times. May be your generals forgot to tell you that nobody won. May be they are still waiting for a good time to let you tune into the news.
I’d be lying if I said your presidency was all bad news. There were times when it was more entertaining than the best Hollywood can offer. How can I forget to thank you for the unforgettable quotes that you sprung on us? I treasure all of them. Always will. Let me mention a few favourites:
“The folks who conducted to act on our country on September 11th made a big mistake. They underestimated America. They underestimated our resolve, our determination, our love for freedom. They misunderestimated the fact that we love a neighbor in need. They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the Commander-in-Chief, too." -- Washington, D.C, Sept. 26, 2001

“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe… I believe what I believe is right." -- Rome, July 22, 2001

"Russia is no longer our enemy and therefore we shouldn't be locked into a Cold War mentality that says we keep the peace by blowing each other up. In my attitude, that's old, that's tired, that's stale." -- Des Moines, Iowa, June 8, 2001



Most of the time, people didn’t really get what you said. Nobody understood you. Neither the cabal of neo-conservatives who surrounded you, nor the hapless millions who listened to your televised speeches. The sentences were so long and complicated, the policy decisions so warped, words misspelt, mispronounced. But, hey, I hate to bring up trifles…Rest assured Mr President. Your quotes will be enshrined in the memory of generations to come.
We will also remember your endearing habit of mixing up the names of countries and heads of states. We will never forget the many creative expressions your team of experts coined (Axis of Evil, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Operation Iraqi Freedom, Operation Enduring Freedom, Extraordinary Rendition….)
You leave behind such a rich legacy. Your impact on the world at large and the English language in particular has been spectacular.
But as they say, all good things must come to an end. And yours, mercifully, is here. Au revoir Mr President. Or as the French say, good riddance.
Sincerely,
XXX